Imagine a group of people. There’s a girl who clearly raises her voice when she talks. She needs more than one person’s attention at a time. She likes to talk about herself and her accomplishments and hates when someone outshines her. She is used to being center of attention and can’t handle it when she’s not.

Then there’s this other girl. Not loud at all. She focuses on a conversation she is having with this one person. Not because she is not interested in talking to everyone else. But she wants to give this person her full attention during this conversation. She is interested in the other person’s life, asks questions and gives support. And she can come off as shy to the group in general.

Which of the two do you find to be the most confident?

Striving for attention and acceptance is not what I consider confidence. You do not have to scream the loudest, impress the most or push others down to show confidence. What is confidence truly about? Isn’t it about being comfortable with whom we are? Isn’t it about not letting other people pick on us for doing what we enjoy? Isn’t it about not doubting ourselves for choices and decisions we make?

In NYC I experienced having a girl coming up to me telling me to be more confident. She told me I shouldn’t be afraid to scream a little louder and dance a little wilder. She told me to show some attitude and don’t be shy.

To some extent I understood what she was saying. I shouldn’t be afraid. And to that I agree. But I believe that my confidence has nothing to do with how loud I scream. I have no need to talk loud to be heard. I have no need to constantly show off for acceptance. A little shyness is simply a part of my personality. If I would have to change things about my personality in order to show confidence, I would not actually be confident in myself as a human being at all.

From what I know, the people in need of others acceptance are in fact lacking confidence. They are not approving themselves unless others do. Of that reason they are scared to be alone. To do things alone. And to be seen alone.

Additionally I don’t think confidence is constant for anyone. Some days you feel way more confident than others. Which of course has a lot to do with our ups and downs. However, some might find it easier to boost their confidence back up after having a though time. Others might find it more difficult. They doubt themselves and regret previous actions or decisions in a greater deal of time.

I like to believe that I am, most of the time, confident in myself. But in this day and age I also believe we all question ourselves from time to time. So I am working on it. I should have nothing to prove for anyone other than myself. I should be in no need of others acceptance in anything I do. Then why the hell do I still question myself at all? Why do you question yourself?

And if you are truly confident, why do you feel the need to prove that you are?

I could write forever about this matter, but I think I have said enough for now. Needless to say, confidence is a bit more complicated than just having a good hair day.


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